Sunday, October 09, 2011

Single Reviews 09/10/11

Greetings, yo. Apologies we didn’t get to do an X Factor liveblog last night, but alas, prior engagements made it impossible. Thanks to the hundreds (‘both’) of you that enquired, though. For the record, Misha nailed it, followed by Sami, Craig and, in spite of our hatred of Frankenbands, The Risk did a sterling job. The judges will have a tough time deciding who to cut – how can they limit it to one act each when so many were shite? Ah well. Here’s the Single Reviews...

On the subject of The X Factor, deserving winner and legitimate talent he may be, but debut single Run For Your Life is giving 2010 champ Matt Cardle the limpest, lamest start possible. Granted, it’s not quite Sacred Trust, and the colossal chorus does claw back some points, but the feeble verses, spate of clichés and a video where he looks like he wants to kill himself don’t amount to a very effective launchpad. Looks like The X Factor’s track record of bollocksing up the careers of their male winners remains intact.

Doing his bestest impression of Justin Timberlake is one-time Nu-Hansoner and sexless Disney mascot Joe Jonas. However, the squeaky siblings and bushy JoFro have been ditched in favour of a slick, overpolished R’n’B backdrop and expensive stylist. In fact, everything about Just In Love screams I AM MANHOOD. It’s certainly progression from The Jonas Brothers, but the lazy melody and clichéd beats mean he’ll have to work a bit harder to truly turn heads as a soloist.

Scoring a Single of the Week all of two seconds into their career are Stoke-on-Trent indie advocates All The Young. Whether they’ll succeed in a sea of braindead dance-pop is unlikely, but Quiet Night In champions the kind of instantaneous rock the charts are sorely bereft of. It may not be forging a whole new genre, and frontman Ryan Dooley has more than a touch of the Guy Garveys, but the vigour, bounce and musicality make All The Young a welcome prospect round thisaway.

And finally, the combination of Gym Class Heroes and Adam Levine makes for a frightening prospect – two artists who each produce music it’s really not ok to like, but which more often than not prompts more than a foot-tap. Thankfully, Stereo Hearts doesn’t boast the same kind of guilty witchcraft found in the likes of Millionaire or Moves Like Jagger. The post-chorus hook with its stop-start strings deserves some kudos, but otherwise, it’s all lumpy metaphors and bland rapping. Nothing to see here, folks. As you were.

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