Monday, December 20, 2010

The Sloppy Dog's Worst of 2010: TV

It’s a funny thing compiling a list of the year’s worst television. Unlike, say, the worst songs of the year, avoiding the TV you hate is a lot easier. So, while this list may not be necessarily the ten biggest piles of crap to reach British screens in 2010, they’re the ten worst we happened to see. Although, bear in mind, we’re rarely wrong about anything. On with the roll-call of repellence!

10. Masterchef
As a format, Masterchef works rather nicely, if a tad predictable. Our main gripe with the series – be it Celebrity, Professionals or regular – is the presence of Gregg Wallace and John Torode. Or more accurately, their excruciating volume. Yes, we know it’s got to be tasty, it’s got to be succulent, it’s got to be this, that and the other. YOU DON’T HAVE TO FUCKING SHOUT IT.

9. Don't Stop Believing
It came as no surprise that there’d be numerous cash-ins on the popularity of Glee, and Channel 5 were first off the mark with their hunt for Britain’s best showchoir. However, their haste proved to be their downfall, with a clumsy, unprepared monstrosity of a show, with missed cues a-plenty and, somehow, Duncan James granted a position of authority.

8. Eastenders
Yet again, Eastenders proved to be the benchmark in lazy, ineffective complacency, with weak characters and even weaker storylines, all executed very, very badly. Obviously, the addition of Tameka Empson to the cast creates a sizeable improvement, but sadly, Eastenders has to go some way to undo a decade of inept, foolish shark-jumping.

7. Ultimate Big Brother
With a surprisingly good Big Brother 11, the flaws of Ultimate Big Brother were only heightened. A peculiar line-up of ‘favourites’, rules seemingly made up on the spot, hugely biased editing, a blind eye turned to some staggeringly severe bullying, and another inexcusable bout of unprofessionalism from Davina McCall made for some truly awful TV – never mind the sickening choice of Brian Dowling as Ultimate Housemate. Still, such a dreadful swansong makes parting a whole lot sweeter.

6. So You Think You Can Dance
It was no surprise that such a big hitter internationally finally made it to UK shores, but far too much reliance was placed upon the success of the US format, hence the clunky, unexciting, lazy nature of it. Such flaws meant it was impossible to engage with the host, the judges or the contestants, just about stopping short of utter catastrophe.

5. The Jeremy Kyle Show
A programme we strive to avoid where possible, but sadly a couple of minutes’ worth leaked onto our screens while channel-hopping. That was enough to cement its inclusion in the list, and let’s face it, Kyle himself isn’t getting any less cunty. However, props must be given to the toothless chav that chucked a paternity test envelope at his head. Bullseye!

4. Sky News
It’s a wonder how such twisted, prejudiced coverage can call itself news, but the right-wing phonyfest that is Sky News continues to shock, disgust, and generally act as a TV counterpart to the Daily Mail. Specific props must go to the repugnant Adam Boulton and the genuinely hateful Kay Burley, together forming the twin-headed zenith of broadcasting cuntishness and truly representing what Sky News is.

3. Daybreak
With the amount of inexplicable expectation placed on the shoulders of Christine Bleakley – a decent enough host, sure, but by no means the televisual behemoth of brilliance she was so heavily reported to be – clearly Daybreak was on wafer-thin ice from the get-go. Add to that the rubber chops of Adrian Chiles, a cold and clinical set, and a distinct lack of worthwhile content, there was no mystery as to why viewers flocked in their near-squillions to BBC Breakfast.

2. Grandma's House
The terminally-unfunny Simon Amstell being given his own sitcom obviously had alarm bells ringing round these parts, but we thought we’d at least give it a try before dismissing it. Alas, it was even more deplorable than we could have foretold. Passable scripts and a more-than-decent supporting cast were sadly defecated upon by Amstell’s perplexingly bad acting – even more embarrassing when you consider he was supposed to be playing himself.

1. Lost
To think Lost made our Best TV lists on two separate occasions is testament to its maddening qualities, but nothing could have prepared us for the devastating disappointment that was the final episode. In fairness, the final series – and even the final episode – boasted some genuinely beautiful moments, but the amount of time wasted weaving intricate backstories only for it to be clumsily wiped in what was on a par with a Year 7 “it was all a dream” English assignment was sickening. 120 hours of high-quality, gripping drama amounting to such a weak, unimaginative cop-out ending provided the worst television not just of 2010, but for quite some time.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You are very wrong about Grandma's House. Oh dear :(

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