Sunday, August 14, 2011

Single Reviews 14/08/11

‘Sup. It’s a rather busy one this week in terms of pop culture – aside from the traffic-stopping event that is the Single Reviews, it’s the return of both The X Factor (minus its two worst judges, but also its best) and Celebrity Big Brother (evicted from its semi-detached new build and rehomed in a council estate). We may do something in the way of liveblogging, dependent on whether we can be arsed, so keep an eye on the Twitter/Facebook feeds. For now, enjoy some songs being torn into...

As healthy and exciting a notion as The Voice is, it’s produced a rather grim side effect in the pairing of Maroon 5 featuring Christina Aguilera. Admittedly, the majority of Moves Like Jagger is decent enough, meeting Maroon 5’s original remit of funk-laden, rhythmic rock, a welcome return after their lengthy spell as stalwarts of Magic FM. But the entirely superfluous middle eight from Xtina sits awkwardly, weakening the song significantly and bringing the princely sum of fuck-all to the party. Can’t she just admit defeat and do Celebrity Big Brother instead?

Single of the Week is awarded to Aberdeenshire singer-songwriter Emeli Sandé, whose introduction came as hooksmith to a selection of interchangeable grime children. Thankfully, debut solo single Heaven is light years away from her bland chorus appearances. The refined, inconspicuous beats conjure up memories of vintage Massive Attack, while Sandé herself boasts that rare achievement in having a belter’s voice where there’s genuine, soulful character amongst the big notes. More of this, please.

The monumental blandness that drab Irish girlband Wonderland have peddled thus far somehow surpasses itself, with new single Nothing Moves Me Anymore outdoing all previous beigeness with its slow, lacklustre insignificance. There are some impressive vocals on display, sure, but when you build an entire concept around the privileged wife of the worst Westlife member, the results are never going to be particularly appealing.

And finally, if you thought our reviews of Wonderland and Christina Aguilera were negative, you’re in for a rude awakening and a veritable tsunami of bile, as the Arctic Monkeys have another sorry offering out this week. If you can get past the disgustingly pretentious title, Hellcat Spangled Shalalala is by no means their most loathsome effort, relatively deferential and arrogance-lite. And it does boast something resembling a melody, even if it’s looped until it becomes unbearable. In short: nice try, but fuck off. Many thanks.

1 comment:

Flo said...

Gotta say Sloppy: Emeli Sandé's Heaven, while pleasing, sounds like a poor man's Unfinished Sympathy to me. Pleased to confirm I am done with the Arctic Monkeys however.


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