Sunday, April 27, 2008

Single Reviews 28/04/08

We begin this week’s Single Reviews with an Official Sloppy Dog Health Warning. It has emerged this week, through extensive research here at Sloppy Dog HQ, that playing Mario Kart Wii can induce perilous fits of rage, resulting in the Wii Wheel being embedded in your TV screen and/or someone’s skull. We care about you, readers. Don’t let a stray red shell ruin your life.

Starting us off this week are Brit & Alex, effectively the Sweet Valley High twins with dummy mics. The semi-beige, R&B-lite debut Let It Go is heaving with big Dallas Austin-y synths, yet it can’t detract from the bland, session musician style vocals. All well and good for shifting units of Sheer Blonde, but unlikely to dent many a chart. Next!

Having already gifted us with one of the year’s greatest singles thus far, One Night Only make an ever-welcome appearance at The Sloppy Dog. Unfortunately, It’s About Time doesn’t quite display the candour, maturity and overall magnificence of Just For Tonight, but is nevertheless the mark of a band deserving of the kind of music press gushage normally reserved for the fucking Arctic Spunkbubbles.

Next comes the unlikely pairing of Will.I.Am and Cheryl Cole. Given the Peas’ inability to craft anything halfway decent since Shut Up – solo, band or otherwise – it’ll come as quite a surprise to see Heartbreaker claim our Single of the Week. Achieving new levels of catchiness, we can only attest this track’s guilty greatness to the presence of Cheryl, even if she did seemingly phone in her contribution.

Last up is a woman as annoying as she is unaesthetic, with a track as pointless as it is lame. Admittedly, Robyn went to great lengths to excuse her wishy-washy R&B past via the stunning With Every Heartbeat, but each successive single only serves to dilute that good work further. Who’s That Girl is no exception, not least for its grating lack of question mark. Sort out your grammar, love. Then your eyebrows.

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