Saturday, September 06, 2008

Single Reviews 08/09/08

Woo-hoo! We’re happy chaps here at Sloppy Dog Towers this week, mainly because the vile Mikey didn’t win Big Brother. We’re actually more happy that the bloody thing is over and done with, but huge congratulations to Rachel all the same, proving that nice guys don’t always finish last. Well, in this case, she did… but finishing last was a good thing. Oh, you know what we mean. Right then, Single Reviews

Gym Class Heroes kick us off this week with the rather disappointing Cookie Jar. The college rock sensibilities on display throughout As Cruel As School Children have been dropped in favour of smooth ‘n’ synthy chestnuttage courtesy of The-Dream. It was always going to take a magnificent song to paper over the fact Travis McCoy willingly puts it in Katy bastard Perry - and Cookie Jar sure ain’t it.

Next comes the distinguishable parp of a sax that can only be the work of The Zutons (or, on occasion, further desperate attempts from Mark Ronson to shoehorn an entire brass band where there’s clearly no need for them). What’s Your Problem is a memorable, affable stand-out gem amongst the largely disappointing You Can Do Anything, and makes for a more-than-decent Single of the Week.

Speaking of our Single of the Week honour, this year’s two least likely recipients team up for a track which is sorely nowhere close to the mark of distinction each achieved on their own. Flo Rida and Will.I.Am stutter the clichéd ramblings of In The Ayer atop a beat used by Fergie a thousand times over. Also, ‘air’ spelt as ‘ayer’…? Do. Not. Want.

And finally, we welcome back perennial Sloppy Dog adversaries, the fucking Pussycat Dolls, who return from their syphilis treatment hiatus with the frankly ridiculous When I Grow Up - a song that documents their childhood aspirations of stardom. Realistically though, does ANYONE dream of thrusting their anonymous gash behind a woman significantly more talented than them? With any luck, this sewage will go the same way as Scherzinger’s wretched solo idiocy (which, by the way, HA).

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