Opening proceedings are one-time X Factor charlatans Avenue, who, in spite of what we imagine to be severely underwhelming demand, unveil themselves via the Dr-Luke-a-like ohrwurm Last Goodbye. Amidst all the hoo-ha about whether the industry is ready for another boyband, fundamentally, it’s actually a decent enough pop song. And bear in mind, people are buying into the fucking Jonas Brothers, so anything’s possible.
If the global economy is in that much trouble, folks would be wise to place all their stock in earplug production - Will Young is back. Yes, the in-bred, monkey-mugged, McJazz-peddling spunkbubble continues his quest to become the UK’s most irksome, unsightly and hateful singer, as proven in the vile Changes - a song that miraculously manages to be both excruciating and beige simultaneously.
Stuttering electro-beats and dark cavernous chords all point towards another masterpiece courtesy of Ladytron. It’s no Destroy Everything You Touch (yes, we’re still hung up on that), but nonetheless, the stirring Runaway scoops our Single of the Week honour. A keyboard-battering anthem which revisits the Eighties in their entirety, as opposed to just a polite acknowledgement (in a good way, mind, not in a Calvin Harris way).
Finally, as we return from the 1984 jaunt with Ladytron, we make a stop in the mid-Nineties with a re-release trumpeting a Best Of compilation from Saint Etienne. The opening synthage of Burnt Out Car 2008 implies a great big homosexual disco anthem is imminent, yet thankfully it just stops short of reaching such