Sunday, June 11, 2006

Single Reviews - 12/06/06

We're fully aware at The Sloppy Dog that's it's like 1000 degrees outside, and that there's some sort of sporting tournament on, and therefore we won't be having many visitors at the moment. Which is great timing, as the Single Reviews really aren't very good this week...

AFI begin proceedings this week with Miss Murder, a predictable attempt at murky ‘n’ moving – however, the end result is more Emu than emo. Elsewhere, the eternally F-list Dannii Minogue provides us with the amyl-stinking, shockingly uninspired pink-pounder So Under Pressure. While it’s easy to write Dannii off as a slightly-higher-profile Tina Cousins, lest we forget the gem she gave us in All I Wanna Do. Still, this ain’t it, so she’s cordially invited to fuck right off.

Next up, the frighteningly determined Clea, who despite an entire lack of public interest, are back with Lucky Like That. As if playing second fiddle to Nicola Roberts wasn’t humiliating enough, these girls even ranked beneath professional loser Javine. How they can show their faces in public, let alone release this dribbling cripple of a pop song, is beyond any reasonable thought. Back to the checkouts with thee!

And so we come to Shakira, a woman whose career we’ve followed with unhealthy scorn, and Wyclef Jean, a man who’s quite good. Perhaps it’s Clef’s presence that makes the part banshee, part box-of-frogs lunatic slightly more bearable on the intensely catchy Hips Don’t Lie, or perhaps we merely have shit in our ears. More likely, it’s simply the least pants track in a barren week of releases.

And rounding the reviews up this week is the magnificent Supermassive Black Hole by Muse. Physically not out til next week, but it’ll be a classy day in Blackpool before we eulogize bloody Shakira. A hushed, dirtily slinky cyber-mantra, Muse have dropped the grandiose opera-metal with very successful findings – a definite Single of the Week. Well, technically, Single of Next Week, but who’s counting?

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