Friday, June 02, 2006

The 'Ump: The End of Liberty X

Welcome to the most reluctant ‘Ump ever. Normally, The ‘Ump is a spleen-venting rant of hatred (although we weren’t too hard on Sandi Thom, were we?). But this particular column is tinged with sadness, as we mourn the inevitable passing of a once-great pop group.

Oh, Liberty X, where did it all go wrong? Five years ago, you were the freshest, most interesting pop act in the music industry, and not just because you weren’t Kym Marsh. Okay, partly cos you weren’t Kym Marsh, but still, you were good.

So imagine our dismay when we encountered their brand new video, X. Filmed on a budget of approximately thruppence, we find that some beautiful people doing a rather superior crunk-lite bounce-along is entirely diluted by a mezze of bored expressions, dire choreography, and appallingly shitty effects.

Behold! The spectacular setting of a rooftop in the future was actually shot in front of a green screen! Who’da thunk it?

Wow! A massive great explosion! Doesn’t it make you sick that people are starving in places like Ethopia and Wolverhampton, when money is being spunked away like this?

Would you look at those faces? Anyone would think Nigel Lythgoe was just off camera, brandishing a revolver.

We deduce that this is entirely the fault of the evil, faceless record company. It wasn’t enough that they were forced to cover the dire disco standard and Gala Bingo endorser Night To Remember for Children In Need (not even Comic Relief!), but now Liberty X have been drained of all character and attraction, evidently in the interest of saving a few quid. Or maybe, just maybe, their time has simply passed naturally.

Either way, we are most miffed at this. Kev and Tony are two of the nicest chaps in pop, and Michelle is officially one of our Top 3 Geordies of all time. Rest in peace, Liberty X – it really has gone irreparably tits-up for you, hasn’t it?

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