Single Reviews 11/12/06

Premature Yuletide greetings, dear readers! It’ll just be a quick ‘un from us as far as Single Reviews go this week – but fret not, as we’ll also be unveiling our Best and Worst of 2006 lists for your perusal. Sadly, the negative line-up has been compiled before we’ve had a chance to see who wins The X Factor. Either way, it’s a world of bovvered.

Leaping out of the carnival we imagine constantly exists in her head and into seasonal ballad territory, Shakira channels the spirit of Bonnie Tyler with the sweeping, gushing Illegal. Still, anything’s better than another video writhing in questionable brown goo. Next, the omnipresent Lily Allen, whose triumphant 2006 and gobby stance has meant her placing in our ongoing chart of greatness/hatred has gone up and down almost as often as Javine’s knickers. However, Lily finishes the year on a high note with Littlest Things, a tranquil bubble of sincerity that hoists the musician out of the vile chav exoskeleton.

Launching her second solo album and redefining barmy in ways previously unimaginable is Gwen Stefani, with the exasperatingly doolally Wind It Up. The quirky string loop lifted from The Lonely Goatherd we can get on board with. The chanted verses of claptrap we can just about withstand. However, there is no place in the UK charts for ACTUAL YODELLING, least of all from a rock frontwoman from Orange County. Fucking yodelling! How very dare she.

Finally, we round things off with a bloodthirsty duel for Single of the Week – ladies and gents, welcome to the Battle of the Christophers. In the funereal black corner, Chris Cornell produces the most original Bond theme since... well, Madonna’s. But hers was also highly shit, so it doesn’t count. You Know My Name stands aloft as an advanced rock anthem even without the 007 connections. Meanwhile, in the chequered-like-overkill’d-Vans corner, we have Gettin’ Enough?? by the worryingly-underdeveloped Lil’ Chris, which against our better judgment, is an infectious electro-snigger through a world of political incorrectness. And the victor? If only for the acoustic Black Hole Sun on the B-side, Cornell pips it. Hard luck, Lil’.