The 'Ump: DFS

Pre-tirade, we’d like to clarify that this particular edition of The ‘Ump is not in any way about “selling out”. Hell, since the Spice Girls put their name to Pepsi, not a drop of Coca-Cola has passed our lips.

No, this is a matter of quality. There’s nowt wrong with lending your face or music to plug a product, but generally you’d hope the product in question would be one that carries a bit of refinement. Not one whose previous adverts boasted numbers from The Official Songbook of Hades, including Nigel & Marvin’s Follow Da Leader and DJ Pied Piper’s Do You Really Like It.

So imagine the revulsion, the dismay and the shock to hear our favourite song of 2006 – the astounding Be Gentle With Me by the equally-amazing The Boy Least Likely To – gracing a cancerous DFS commercial. Hearing that superhuman soundtrack besmirched by a voiceover informing us of four years free credit instantly teleported us to the moment in The Neverending Story where that stupid horse got yammed by the Swamps of Sadness (in short, we were gutted).

But we absolutely heart The Boy Least Likely To. As our current favourite band – we’re SO over The Feeling – it’s going to take more than a stylish Linda Barker creation for just £499 (read as “four nine nine”) to put us off. No sir, we’re going to attempt to find the good in this repugnant three-piece leather tragedy.

Frankly, the more people that hear The Boy Least Likely To’s adorable, inventive music, the better. And maybe Joe Public (read as “The Sloppy Dog”) will stop hating DFS as a brand now they’ve begun to sort out their calamitous advertising. And at least it’s only an instrumental track, so they’ve a good few more souls to sell before they reach Natasha Bedingfield depths.

Most importantly, it’s reassuring to believe that the money earned from this experience will fund the band’s second album, which, if The Best Party Ever is any suggestion, will be one of modern music’s greatest creations. So, with that, we not only forgive Pete ‘n’ Jof, we heartily celebrate them. Behold!

Big, bold and definitely not bashful, the Zanzibar 3-seater deluxe sofabed!

The fabulous Dakota, for just three-nine-nine!

The Boy Least Likely To, proper fucking awesome!