Saturday, April 07, 2007

Single Reviews 09/04/07

Happy Easter, dear readers! In the style of Nickelodeon’s piercingly-shrill fucktwat Dora the Explorer, can you find the hidden Easter Egg during this week’s Single Reviews? Look very carefully! Where did that Bunny hide the egg?

The sloppily-assigned label of New Rave is something we’ll gladly avoid for eternity. But sadly, The Klaxons have permitted some reluctant lumping-in thanks to Gravity’s Rainbow, a Casio calamity that even The Horrors would shy away from. In fairness, it’s passable if you can stomach the gruesome intro, but still massively disappointing after the striking Golden Skans.

Next up, the dual behemoth of Beyonce and Shakira, a pair who’ve taken a substantial baiting for their understated Beautiful Liar. Fair enough, it’s hardly forging a new genre, but the subtle harmonies and Middle Eastern waft make for a fairly listenable artefact. Perhaps the negativity comes mainly from failed expectations, but seriously, when did a gargantuan collaboration last blow you out of the water? Britney & Madonna? Sugababes & Girls Aloud? That fucking Moulin Rouge cataclysm? Precisely.

Single of the Week is awarded to a previous recipient, which is unsurprising as they’re one of the most consistent bands around. Muse continue their trend with Invincible, an example of such high-standard timeless songwriting, it could be committed to record by any artist during any era, and it would still be as remarkable. Still, we’re glad it’s Muse and not, say, Girl Thing.

You’ve got to hand it to Gareth Gates. Arguably one of the most easily-disposable pop stars of recent times, he’s done bloody good to claw his way back from the shitter. Even more impressive is the quality he’s brought with him, having royally ditched the flat, motionless ballads (possibly currently being dusted down for Leona). Sounding uncannily like Radiohead’s No Surprises without any obvious overtones of intent, Changes warrants a well-deserved thumbs-up.

Finally, as if making an appearance in our Worst Singles of 2006 list wasn’t shameful enough, The Dykeenies have foolishly chosen to re-release the alarming New Ideas, which remains as insipid and as aggravating as the first time around. If you fired vomit all over the floor, you wouldn’t munch it back up in the hope of it coming out as a nice hot-dog the second time, would you?

Oh, and there’s no Easter Egg. Sorry. But aren’t you glad you read right to the end?

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