Saturday, February 02, 2008

Single Reviews 04/02/08

We often like to make reference to the week’s events when introducing our Single Reviews. So, with that in mind - Holly Willoughby’s tits, Holly Willoughby’s tits, Holly Willoughby’s tits, Holly Willoughby’s tits, Holly Willoughby’s tits, Holly Willoughby’s tits, Holly Willoughby’s tits. We can’t stand the dim-witted blow-up bonehead ourselves, but that last sentence alone should send our hit counter into orbit.

30 Seconds To Mars lead the pack this week, with a characteristically whingy emo epic. Despite feeling as though it’s been languishing on Kerrang and MTV2 since 2006, From Yesterday finally gets its UK release. In fairness, it’s actually somewhat far removed from their emo contemporaries, and hides a killer refrain. In fact, it’s our Single of the Week, if somewhat reluctantly-awarded. We still can’t forgive anyone responsible in any way for the hormonal train-wreck of My So Called Life.

That’s How People Grow Up is approximately the squillion-and-ninth solo release from Morrissey, and still he’s yet to top First of the Gang to Die. Early operatic wailings make way for a quintessential Morrissey number - strapping riffs, taut melodies and a sizeable dose of self-pity. Unlikely to catch the ears of anyone outside his hefty circle of crazed stage-huggers, but there’s very little to fault.

Rihanna make a roundabout apology for the inescapable Umbrella and the truly dire Hate That I Love You by way of the far superior Don’t Stop The Music. An unashamed nod to house - a rare feat from a non-European artist - makes this an immediate winner. And yet, the DJ-addressing cliché is dragged out once again - we hoped she’d put that shit to bed with Pon De Replay. Seriously, that “play my song/turn the music up/please Mr DJ” crap is a major Sloppy Dog pet hate, almost up there with Mika.

And speaking of Mika, the first replica of the hairy helium horse-fucker finally hits the market. David Jordan, a man so atrociously camp he actually makes Mika look like Evander Holyfield, minces into the spotlight with Sun Goes Down. And although it’s an observation made by numerous sources (including Chris Moyles, which technically should therefore negate it), the similarities to the Wizbit theme tune are astounding. You’ll be hard pushed to escape this tripe - be warned.

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