A wise man once said “the internet is for porn”. Except it wasn’t a wise man, it was a kick-ass pseudo-muppet. And it wasn’t said, it was sung. But we digress - last week’s joke mention of how Holly Willoughby’s norks would up our hits significantly proved frighteningly accurate. On Thursday alone, 79 separate perverts users stumbled across The Sloppy Dog by Googling “Holly Willoughby tits”. Well, sadly no visuals at this point, fellas, but do stay and enjoy the Single Reviews now that you’re here. And mind not to get it in the keyboard, you filthy wee bastards.
First up, three and a half minutes of absolutely sodding fuck-all, which comes courtesy of
Goldfrapp. Jeez, at least their shittier material had a bit of substance - all bleeps and blips and arrogance and really, really weak attempts to cover up the ageing process. However,
A & E is a short, slow, noiseless spurt of wind from the world’s dullest arsehole. If only it actually had a tune, or lyrics, or a beginning/middle/end, we could actually muster up some kind of aversion…
The Coral next, who provide am uncharacteristic gentle lull. While
Put The Sun Back is undoubtedly a pleasant, dreamlike sway in its own right, it simultaneously serves to underline that The Coral do upbeat far better than mid-tempo summer lullabies - certainly no detraction from the song in itself, but you’d be hard pushed to better the likes of
Dreaming of You.
God bless the Scott-Lee family. Although we genuinely like Michelle Heaton-Scott-Lee, the rest of them are a priceless
objet d’art in irony, if something of an easy target. So we’ll be handling the debut single from
Andy Scott-Lee with a pair of particularly spongy kid gloves. In fairness,
Unforgettable is no worse than anything any solo boybander has put out, but it’s certainly not something that’ll be bothering the upper end of the charts anytime soon. Just to re-iterate, God bless ‘em.
And finally, we reach our hallowed
Single of the Week. As a band who’ve been awarded the honour on no less than three occasions, it’s perhaps unsurprising that
I Thought It Was Over - the comeback single from
The Feeling - clocks up a fourth nod. And in spite of its merry refrain, insane catchiness and underlying house thump, we
can find a fault - Dan Gillespie-Sells’ inexplicable Americanisation of the word “over” grates heavily, especially given his quintessential Englishness. But in the bigger picture of an engaging, superb track, we can just about overlook it. Bring on the album!
A wise man once said “the internet is for porn”. Except it wasn’t a wise man, it was a kick-ass pseudo-muppet. And it wasn’t said, it was sung. But we digress - last week’s joke mention of how Holly Willoughby’s norks would up our hits significantly proved frighteningly accurate. On Thursday alone, 79 separate 
First up, three and a half minutes of absolutely sodding fuck-all, which comes courtesy of Goldfrapp. Jeez, at least their shittier material had a bit of substance - all bleeps and blips and arrogance and really, really weak attempts to cover up the ageing process. However, A & E is a short, slow, noiseless spurt of wind from the world’s dullest arsehole. If only it actually had a tune, or lyrics, or a beginning/middle/end, we could actually muster up some kind of aversion…
The Coral next, who provide am uncharacteristic gentle lull. While Put The Sun Back is undoubtedly a pleasant, dreamlike sway in its own right, it simultaneously serves to underline that The Coral do upbeat far better than mid-tempo summer lullabies - certainly no detraction from the song in itself, but you’d be hard pushed to better the likes of Dreaming of You.
God bless the Scott-Lee family. Although we genuinely like Michelle Heaton-Scott-Lee, the rest of them are a priceless objet d’art in irony, if something of an easy target. So we’ll be handling the debut single from Andy Scott-Lee with a pair of particularly spongy kid gloves. In fairness, Unforgettable is no worse than anything any solo boybander has put out, but it’s certainly not something that’ll be bothering the upper end of the charts anytime soon. Just to re-iterate, God bless ‘em.
And finally, we reach our hallowed Single of the Week. As a band who’ve been awarded the honour on no less than three occasions, it’s perhaps unsurprising that I Thought It Was Over - the comeback single from The Feeling - clocks up a fourth nod. And in spite of its merry refrain, insane catchiness and underlying house thump, we can find a fault - Dan Gillespie-Sells’ inexplicable Americanisation of the word “over” grates heavily, especially given his quintessential Englishness. But in the bigger picture of an engaging, superb track, we can just about overlook it. Bring on the album!
No comments:
Post a Comment