Friday, September 18, 2009

Single Reviews 21/09/09

Nearly three years ago, we were using this wee paragraph o’ nothing that precedes the Single Reviews to partake in a brief satire of Kanye West’s strop against Justice vs Simian’s EMA win. Well, this time it’s beyond parody, and while we’re hardly saying anything you haven’t heard or read a thousand times already, the man is an out-and-out cunt. And this comes from a media outlet that couldn’t give a hoot about Taylor Swift.

Ian Brown opens for us this week, with an intriguing taster for upcoming album My Way. As with such a large portion of his solo ventures, Stellify takes the straight-up Mancunian sensibilities and twists them into an entirely new shape – in this instance, a rhythmic throb of placid rock dotted with blasts of brass. And rather nice it is too.

Old ‘favourite’ Shakira makes a return this week, with the incomprehensible musical psychosis of She-Wolf. Her last batch of material wasn’t actually too offensive, all things considered, but we’re quickly reminded just how astonishingly dreadful this woman is. A migraine of high notes and asylum-beckoning lyrics, all you can do is run for cover. She’s HOWLING, for Christ’s sake. (Although, top marks for use of the word ‘lycanthropy’.)

And, in contrast, signifying how it’s possible to be batshit-frickin’-mental in a worryingly playful way are Aqua. Yes, THAT Aqua. They’re actually back. And, as much as every last iota of good taste within the Sloppy Dog sphere tries to fight it, Back to the 80s forces us to love it. The same way Cartoon Heroes did, the same way Doctor Jones did. We feel utterly violated, and not in a made-up attention-seeking Katie Price way. Like she’d ever say no.

The positive, addictive bounce of Jukebox Sunshine means a well-deserved Single of the Week title for The Holloways. Frankly, it’s hard for your ears not to prick up at any mention of ‘sunshine’ given we won’t be seeing any more of it this year, but the abundant merits of the song itself are great enough for this to even overtake Generator as the Holloways’ calling card anthem.

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