Sunday, April 18, 2010

Greetings all. If you happen to be reading this from an airport internet connection in a faraway land because you can’t get a flight home thanks to the clouds of volcanic ash – stop your whining and enjoy! What the jiggins are you reading this shit for? Get back to the pool! The rest of you, bring in your washing and your pets, seal the windows, ready the inhaler and enjoy the Single Reviews...

First up is Shakira, whose celebrated psychosis is more than evident in the barmy Gypsy. Early listens would suggest it to be a summery ballad with a Middle-Eastern flavour, and fairly inoffensive as far as this loon goes. However, it plays host to one of the worst metaphors ever used in song (Sandi Thom still holds the crown) and is further proof – as if we needed any – that Shakira is utterly fucking crackers.

Next on the chopping block are 3OH!3, whose apparent goal to induce a cringe in every human being with access to modern technology is going swimmingly. While Starstrukk at least had some guilty pleasure infectiousness attached, Don’t Trust Me – and in particular, its shameful video – is a work of utter embarrassment that cements them as little more than a heterosexual Fierce Girl.

A slightly more positive review comes in the form of our Single of the Week, which is bestowed upon the very worthy Kelis. The haunting, hypnotic trance of Acapella is an intriguing new direction which matches her smoky, dark vocals nicely. An instant classic, it’s up there with Caught Out There, Get Along With You and Milkshake as one of her greatest offerings. Now if she could just get off her arse and do some promotion, she might get the commercial acclaim she’s more than capable of.

And finally, Hot Chip, a band who can always expect a warm welcome on these pages, except for when they release something we don’t like. Thankfully, I Feel Better ticks enough boxes to get a thumbs up, marrying lush strings with busy house rhythms, and the uniquely eerie quality only Hot Chip can provide.

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