Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Honking Box Preview: Totally Boyband

Earlier today, we had the hardship opulent privilege of viewing the first episode of what is promising to be the ultimate car crash series of 2006. Totally Boyband sees five former popstars being presented with an opportunity to leave the dole queue and return to the limelight as an all-new band assembled from over-ripened off-cuts.

It’s not so much being thrown a lifeline as much as they’re being thrown a small child’s rubber ring with polka dots and a dinosaur face. And while it’s unlikely to have the music industry foaming at the nether-regions with excitement, the line-up alone is enough to warrant a Sloppy Dog stamp of ironic appreciation: Bradley S Club, Lee out of Steps, Dane Bowers out of Jordan, some plumber from 911, and Danny from New Kids On The Block.

Highlights include:

Wholly unoriginal but eternally classic lines including “opinions are like arseholes – everyone’s got one”

Lee Latchford Evans being ribbed for his dance prowess, despite this being his sole contribution to Steps

Some rough bird with her knockers out

The shiny, ageing face of Popjustice, and its uneasy attempt at maintaining an expression of smugness after being given The Slaegin™ by Dane Bowers

The first sign of cracks within the band - of course, it won’t lead to anything big, like someone quitting. Oh...

We’re hoping the series overall will be rather less awkward than Totally Scott Lee, rather more exciting than the Geri documentaries, and significantly less depressing than Hear’Say: Off The Record. But on the back of the first episode, Totally Boyband will certainly be worth a look, albeit through your fingers.

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