Saturday, September 02, 2006

Single Reviews 04/09/06

We’re incredibly pleased to announce that this week’s Single Reviews are, for the most part, bloody great songs.

While this is undoubtedly ace, it’s also slightly disconcerting, as it means one of two things. Either the music industry is pulling its socks up and is finally starting to put out some good music, or we’re getting less bitchy in our old age. Surely reality would crumble and the universe would implode if either were the case?

Opening proceedings this week is the marvellously dirty Promiscuous. While we’re still having trouble adjusting to the genuinely lovely Nelly Furtado reinventing herself as a carefree ho-bag (albeit an effective and musically-capable one), the back-and-forth bravado exchanged between Nelly and Timbaland makes for a likeable, if slutty as hell, bop-mantra.

Muse follow up the spectacular Supermassive Black Hole with the only-slightly-less superb Starlight. You’ll have to bear with us as we attempt to complete this review without using the words “stellar”, “lunar” or “astronomical” – this may only be a blog, but we’re not Ian fucking Hyland. A nod to a more recognisable Muse, Starlight is a near-anthemic jewel from a band that surely can’t be far off legend status.

On to a track that we unequivocally hated at first listen – Bossy by the rather marvellous Kelis. However, we’ve since grown to love the hooktacular verses, the oddly charming conceit of the chorus, and even the new hairdo. Also, we’re now dismissing the slippery video as post-modern feminist irony on Kel’s part [insert shameless fanfare for new album here].

At the risk of sounding like Fiona from Little Miss Jocelyn, urban music isn’t necessarily top of our Windows Media playlist on a day-to-day basis. But not only is Kelis a close contender for our top position this week, the actual lucky claimants are none other than Outkast. A refreshing break from the heinous braggage of regular hip-hop, they’ve always been a Sloppy Dog favourite. And new track Morris Brown, a cheerful-but-not-saccharin jig through the world’s friendliest ghetto, is an indication of their brilliance. Single of the Week, trust.

But, as if to underline how good the rest of this week’s releases are, we come to a serious contender for the most fucking abusive-on-the-ears pile of putrid offal of the year. Of course, you’d be hard pushed to steal that title from Sandi Thom, but Robbie Williams comes pretty damn close. Perennially cunty, it’s no surprise that the egotistical window-licker that farted out Rock DJ would come up with another stinker. But the utter rancid overconfidence displayed in Rudebox (which we understand is a ‘stab’ at dub) further proves why this waste of oxygen needs to be publicly hanged. Let’s face it, he’d love the exposure, so it’s win/win.

Looks like we don’t need to worry about the industry sorting its shit out. Or us getting any less insulting, for that matter.

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