Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Honking Box Preview: Me & Mr Jones

Doing a reality show with your spouse is more often than not the definitive kiss of death. We've witnessed numerous relationships fall apart after allowing the seemingly-hexed MTV cameras into every toe-curlingly shameful aspect of their lives. Nick and Jessica, Carmen and Dave, Travis and Shanna, Ozzy and his credibility.

Nonetheless, said shows often provide ample amusement up until the divorce lawyers are summoned. So imagine our delight to be given an exclusive glimpse at the first episode of Me & Mr Jones, a hornet-on-the-wall (this is hip-hop, a'ight? No lame-ass fly don't cut it) view of the crazy life of Kelis and her urban-equivalent-of-'im-indoors, Nas. Note how we say 'crazy', having made the assumption that it's a pre-requisite of the marriage reality sub-genre.

However, Me & Mr Jones isn't so much 'crazy' as 'mildly dippy supplementing a main course of beige'. It appears that, rather than vaporising all metaphorical barriers and inviting the world and his boom-mic into their home, a frosty display of camera-conscious cool is maintained throughout. An attitude evidently spilling over into Kel's professional life - much as we love her, had she got off her battycrease and done a bit of bogstandard promotion, Milkshake and Lil Star could have bagged her a couple of Number Ones.

Still, it wasn't all hushed conversation behind an omnipresent foreground of Nas' gaudy ice. Key moments included our viewing companion mistaking a non-cosmeticked Kelis for Oprah Winfrey, and an amiable 'chance' meeting between Nas and Jay-Z. Gawd bless 'em. If these two can be mates, surely there's hope for Jackiey and Shilpa?

However, both highlights are blown out of the gin 'n' juice (this is hip-hop, remember? Water don't get no game) by the ol' romantics seeing one another for the first time in a week. They don't hug. They don't kiss. They barely even muster a smile between them. No, rather than a traditional display of affection, Kelis chooses to sniff her beau's armpit, which apparently she finds comforting. Well, whatever floats your boat. Some women like aftershave on a man, others prefer Eau de London Marathon. She ought to get a whiff of the Nikes as worn by a certain colleague of ours - she'd have multiple orgasms on the spot.

So while the first episode didn't provide particularly remarkable viewing, there were undoubtedly hints at car-crash potential. Perhaps the aloof fa├žade will slip halfway through, and the cameras capture a typical Sunday afternoon at the Jones mansion where the happy couple enjoy snuggling up in front of Antiques Roadshow re-runs on BBC America. Not entirely likely, it's fair to say, but nonetheless, we're definitely booking a slot on the ol' HD recorder once this hits our screens (apparently sometime around July). Assuming, of course, they're not divorced by then.

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