Sunday, November 08, 2009

Single Reviews 09/11/09

Right, we’ve not had a lot time for much in the way of album reviews, telly reviews or even rants for the ‘ump column, so here’s a quick round-up: Weezer’s Raditude is good but gimmicky; The Restaurant is less awesome when cut in half; June Sarpong and Derek Acorah are completely fuckwits; utterly bored of Jedward; Wispa Gold rules. We have, however, managed to throw together some Single Reviews...

We begin with a woman whose career gets more and more irrelevant with each single she releases. Britney Spears, who we can barely remember being a fantastic popstar since her metamorphosis into a dead-eyed bulimic Slitheen channelling the spirit of Jade Goody by way of Joy from My Name Is Earl, gives us 3, a faceless bit of twiddling and vocoding and gyrating so bereft of character its existence barely even registers.

Leona Lewis is next, boring the globe to the point of collective suicide with the Ryan-Tedder-by-numbers predictafest Happy. She should really steer clear of titles which imply the expression of any kind of emotion – happy, sad, angry, surprised, confused, horny, knackered, murderous. Hell, this dreary moose would even have difficulty conveying a song entitled Indifferent. Move along, dear, we’ve got Alexandra now.

Meanwhile, a brand new offering from The Boy Least Likely To has us squeeing like four dozen JLS fans at a glimpse of Aston’s waistband. We’ll admit it’s difficult to be objective when it comes to The Boy Least Likely To, as they could pretty much fart a tune Terrance-and-Phillip-style and we’d still find a good point, but The Summer of a Dormouse stands up on its own merits. As the title would suggest, it’s a gentle, summery bossa nova pop lullaby, underlining this band’s greatness fully.

Single of the Week, however, is credited to the Stereophonics, who continue to exceed their own high points with the lead single from new album Keep Calm & Carry On. Just as A Thousand Trees was overtaken by Handbags & Gladrags, in turn trumped by Dakota, the pattern continues with Innocent, a commanding, anthemic indie classic. It may not be cool enough for Radio 1, but then, these are the people who put Fearne Cotton on air for 15 hours a week.

And finally, for what’s actually the first (and probably the last) time, we put the all-new Sugababes under the microscope, though we much prefer their new moniker of Splendababes, given the lack of real Suga within the band. About A Girl is RedOne at his laziest, is dominated by the far-too-good-for-this Jade Ewen, and frankly proves Keisha couldn’t have been pushed at a better time. The quicker the originals get their shit together, the better.

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