Single Reviews 25/08/08

Welcome, one and all, to this week’s Single Reviews, where we’d like to take a moment to reflect on the news that Reverend & The Makers are to split, and Jon McClure is stepping back from the music industry. WOO-HOO!!! Pop open the champagne Lambrini, the charts have just gotten marginally less shit! Now we just need Fightstar, Mika, Katy Perry, the Kaiser Chiefs, Cascada and the Overrated Apes to follow suit…

On the subject of pure shite, the happy-clappy and all-round crappy Alphabeat return with a third explosion of glitter, helium, blood and guts via the truly pathetic Boyfriend. Dated, clichéd, grating and dull, it’s the kind of septic musical faeces you’d expect to find from Scooch, as opposed to an uppity, self-important REAL!! BAND!! who totally WRITE THEIR OWN STUFF!!! We hereby officially add Alphabeat to the above list.

And from that, we go to what could potentially be the greatest song of 2008 so far. Hey, we’re nothing if not diverse. The unspeakably awesome Little Jackie unveil the first gem of what we hope will be a sizeable treasure trove, in the form of the truly outstanding The World Should Revolve Around Me. We did consider whether Imani Coppola bias pushed the song up in our opinion a tad, but a track this original, catchy, fun, attitude-crammed needs no help. Single of the Week, fo’ sho’.

Way back in January, our support of Low by Flo Rida prompted a few head-scratches amongst our loyal readership – a move that we excused by reason of holiday anthem syndrome. That same voyage also gave us See You Again by the All-American tweenage sovereignty that is Miley Cyrus, a song significantly better than literally anyone could’ve anticipated. Whether it’s a true representation of the talent of Miley Cyrus herself is unlikely, but… CHOOOOON! (We’re very, very sorry.)

And sticking roughly with the theme of television darlings assaulting the charts, we come to Hamfatter, a band no-one apart from their mothers would ever care about had they not whored themselves on Dragons’ Den. Fair play to them, mind – they’ve guaranteed themselves financial backing, extensive coverage, and at the root of it, The Girl I Love is actually more than half-decent. And hey, if Peter Jones wants to pump some money into The Sloppy Dog, we wouldn’t say no…

Solange - Sol-Angel and the Hadley Street Dreams (Polydor)

Pop siblings haven’t had the greatest track record. The Osmonds, Hanson, Cleopatra, the Bedingfields, now the fucking Jonas Brothers. Thankfully, ready to buck the trend is Solange Knowles, kid sister of Beyonce and thus part of the dollar-printing mogulfest that is Knowles Inc. And yet, the most admirable thing about Solange – aside from her talent – is her open reluctance to carry any form of attachment to her incidental brand. Perhaps not the best opening paragraph on our part, then.

However, the music does the talking far greater than any press embargo on mentioning her family ties could. Her second solo album (first in the UK), the curiously-titled Sol-Angel and the Hadley Street Dreams, immediately proves Solange is the black sheep of the Knowles clan, albeit one with day-glo multicoloured highlights through its fleece and glittery fake eyelashes.

Mere seconds into the soapbox opener of God Given Name, it’s abundantly clear that Solange has more in common with Eminem or Ani DiFranco than she does with her sister. Okay, perhaps not quite, but there’s a display of cheek and social commentary that is virtually invisible within the R&B sphere, quickly cementing Solange as an artist with a brain between her ears.

On paper, the bright Sixties shuffle of Sandcastle Disco or the digi-Ronettes mantra Would’ve Been The One would suggest an album of entirely retro concepts, Solange herself injects enough quirk to underline Sol-Angel and the Hadley Street Dreams as a truly 21st Century entity, with just the right level of nods to legends past.

Unfortunately, the quirky Motown sensibilities don’t permeate every track. A handful – This Bird or Valentine’s Day, for example – clearly take their lead from watery 70s/80s soul, and while Solange’s bewitchery makes them a more appealing prospect than their description alone might imply, they fail to stand up next to the selection of tracks that boast originality and personality.

Even a straight comparison of the two takes on I Decided – both of which appear – is interesting. While the Freemasons’ mix has the verve and bounce to carry it on UK radio, it actually sounds somewhat empty and naff next to the classy subtleties of the Neptunes’ original.

Yet, on the whole, Sol-Angel and the Hadley Street Dreams is the benchmark of a formidable artist, very much worthy of her own pedestal. Solange proves her musicianship, inventiveness and all-round worth, and while the material may not tick every box, the abundance of integrity and chutzpah should ensure you’ll hear plenty more from her, whether you like it or not.

Single Reviews 18/08/08

Before we embark on this week’s Single Reviews, we need to make a slight amendment to a previous week’s reviews. Having been exposed to The Verve’s Love Is Here a tad more than is necessary, we’ve come to develop a near-dislike of it. Seriously, who thought getting Pingu in to do backing vocals was a good idea? We hereby strip them of their Single of the Week title, and hope that the album doesn’t utilise an entire array of Cbeebies stars.

Leading the pack are The Automatic, who claim an easy Single of the Week with the harbinger of their second album. The absence of keyboard loon Penny is evident, as the maturity levels are increased ten fold on Steve McQueen. It certainly doesn’t suffer for it, mind - harder-edged in sound but boasting a taut, memorable tune, it’s hopefully a good indication of what This Is A Fix has to offer.

Gabriella Cilmi is up next, and, in spite of her obvious talent, is doing very little to win us over. Having originally fashioned herself as a Petits Filous Amy Winehouse, it seems the disco soul nothingness of Save The Lies is an attempt to drag her in another direction altogether. Now she’s an anaemic Anastacia - try saying that five times quickly.

And finally, a docile slice of boozy Glaswegian majesty courtesy of The Fratellis - who else? - with the considerably marvellous Look Out Sunshine. A sleepy soft-rock jam in the vein of Whistle For The Choir, yet just diverse enough to underline that the band have progressed rather satisfactorily. Now, let’s have Lupe Brown as the third single, and we’ll say something REALLY nice…

Single Reviews 11/08/08

In light of the spectacular opening to the Olympics earlier this week, we had planned a similarly extravagant opening ceremony to mark this week’s Single Reviews. Sadly, the pyrotechnics got rained on and thus failed, the acrobats went on strike, all four Beatles were hungover, and the performing pterodactyls flew away. But it would’ve been ace, trust us.

We start things with a song that feels as though it’s been out as long as Bloc Party themselves have been around. That said, Mercury is a balls-out dance thumper with overtones of grimy punk, a million miles from the melodic soundtrackery of Two More Years, or the tiresome clumsiness of The Prayer. In fact, sounding more like a remix than a flat-out Bloc Party track, it’s a good indication of a band refusing to rest on their laurels.

Santogold is next up, with the meh-inducing Lights Out. Constant guitar mutterings lifted from a Max Martin standard provide an incompatible foundation for shrill, tedious vocals which would sound contentedly at home in a Kate Bush tribute dinner-and-concert jobby. Mildly amusing Santogold fact: the spellchecker on Microsoft Word automatically changes her name to ‘Sainthood’. Hell, it’s more entertaining than the music itself…

Shaking off any trace of Knowles nepotism and commanding her own spotlight with ease is Solange, with the entrancing magic of I Decided. Ordinarily, anything touched by the Freemasons reads like a government health warning in our eyes. However, a blast of Neptunes-produced indifference has been transformed into a bouncy, summery, Motown magnum opus, cementing Solange as an artist to keep a keen eye on.

However, Solange is just barely pipped to Single of the Week by the truly awesome Meccano, the second single from Transatlantic radio-rock genii Red Light Company. Three seconds of twinkling make way for explosive riffs and towering voices, surpassed only by the huge choruses. The strength of Meccano alone is enough to induce a frantic itchiness for the album’s release - surely the mark of a band destined for magnitude?

Single Reviews 04/08/08

Welcome, one and all, to another selection of songs being torn to shreds, more commonly knows as the Single Reviews. Things seem to be rather scarce on the new releases front these days, so you’ll have to pardon the somewhat skimpy length of the article. Mind you, the way we’ve been going lately, we’re lucky to have been able to chuck anything together…

Easing us into the reviews this week are The Music, a band who once threatened us with inescapable Kasabian-style triumph, yet have just about achieved success on a par with Sirens. Oh well. Their brand of intense, pelvic rock clout is very much present in The Spike, yet is simultaneously a step on from the haughtiness of previous material. A vast improvement, all in all.

Second only to the Spice Girls as the most exciting return amidst the recent spate of comebacks, The Verve signal their chart homecoming with Love Is Noise. Whilst the truly grating Laa-Laa style backing vocals detract from the song significantly, there remains enough potent Verve ingenuity to ensure a thumping, bright anthem worthy of the band’s legacy. And, in spite of its Cbeebies associations, we can just about push it to Single of the Week status.

And finally, we’re sad to report that yet another song has been tortured, gutted and worn as a vulgar, gory skin-suit by dancefloor-diluting musical assassins Cascada. Admittedly, we never cared one way or the other about the original version of Because The Night, but such vile, tasteless cover versions one after the other make for some seriously unpleasant listening. Almost as unbearable as the curdling screams it’s likely to induce in anyone who hears it.

Single Reviews 28/07/08

Well, whaddya know? We’ve actually managed to throw together something resembling a post without the computer going tits-up for the squillionth time in a month. And what perfect timing - with the weather finally pulling its finger out, no-one’s going to be in to read it. Bah! Nevertheless, we present to you this week’s Single Reviews…

Much as McFly were the official baton-takers from Busted, and Westlife were the approved Boyzone replacements, it seems Girls Aloud are planning ahead for their departure with the introduction of The Saturdays. We don’t fancy their chances much, truth be told. Tepid, vacuous and all kinds of beige, If This Is Love suggests they have an impossible job ahead if they want to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with girl bands that actually put some thought into their material.

The Pigeon Detectives continue to pull a Scouting For Girls, in that they’ve somehow managed to forge an entire catalogue out of just the one tune. Everybody Wants Me is unmistakeably Pigeon Detectives, sure, but unfortunately it’s to the point that you actually consider whether it’s a postmodern spoof of their previous singles. We hereby invite you, Pigeon Detectives, to think OUTSIDE THE FRICKIN’ BOX.

And finally, we come to our Single of the Week. Take a three Irish rock musicians - in this case, The Script - and fling ’em headlong into a skipful of A-list R&B producers including Rodney Jerkins and N*E*R*D. However, rather than the hackneyed blue-eyed soul one might expect from such a collaboration on paper, The Man Who Can’t Be Moved boasts a rare balance of melody and grit, without any indulgent urban cliché detracting from the musicianship. Bring on the album, srsly. Kthxbai.

Honking Box Review: Bonekickers

Yes, we know. Big hefty delays and a hideous lack of updates, yadda yadda yadda. Again, blame PC World. We’re this close to digging out a decade-old PC from the attic, seriously. Which is kind of apt, really, given that we’re about to tear strips off BBC One’s new archaeological ‘drama’, the frankly astonishing Bonekickers.

Running like an hour-long French & Saunders sketch rather than a gritty, thought-provoking prime-time drama, Bonekickers proved itself from the outset to be a colossal stinking pile of the greatest kind of horse shite. Shit that glitters, if you will. Boasting a selection of the most embarrassing dialogue ever uttered on the Beeb coupled with some truly wooden performances, Bonekickers is, on paper, plain awful. Yet the entire milieu of Acorn Antiques ropeyness and out-and-out lunacy actually achieve a result which is quite the opposite.

Where the awful Robin Hood shoehorns issues of today into a virtually unwatchable am-dram shambles (the next series features an increase in knife crime amongst the teenagers of Worksop, and the Sherriff jumping a queue in the market to be the first to get his hands on a Ye Olde iPhone 2.0), Bonekickers gleefully avoids such desperate attempts at credibility or superiority. Take last night’s episode, for instance – Julie Graham’s character descends into a hidden cave, delivering a line about how ‘these walls have never before been illuminated by electricity’. A line delivered with poignancy and raw emotion, and presumably a whole lot of sniggering from the writing team.

This same cave was additionally the location for a number of phonecalls, without a single concern relating to loss of signal until the brave buffoons were a good mile underground. The same cave where it was discovered Boudica got all horizontal with a Roman soldier, prompting Ben to comment “A Roman 4 an Iceni”, shamelessly reducing what would be Britain’s most significant historical discovery to mere txt-speak. In fact, Bonekickers disintegrates the very idea of historical accuracy with a big goofy smile on its face. Even Primeval’s conception of brand new dinosaurs with three heads and built-in laser beams seems more plausible than some of the facts uncovered by Bonekickers’ merry band of mystery-hunters, who themselves carry frightening parallels with the core cast of Scooby Doo.

Elsewhere, the ongoing story arc relating to the enigmatic sword is just plain awkward. At least the narrative threads that run through a season of Lost or Doctor Who carry a degree of subtlety to them – Bonekickers, on the other hand, stands atop a tall building wearing fluorescent colours, yelling “HEY MOTHERFUCKERS!! It’s all leading up to this sword business, you know!” through a megaphone.

And yet, these all add up to what makes Bonekickers so horrendously amazing. Not since the hallowed perfection of Sunset Beach has any show pulled off so-bad-it’s-good to such genius effect. Whether it actually attempts to do this is another matter altogether – it’s hard to believe that BBC One would spunk money up the walls on a hi-def drama that ticks every box a sitcom should. So fingers crossed, for the sake of comedy, they won’t ever actually realise.

Single Reviews 07/07/08

We’re back! And Christ on a bike, have we developed a hatred for technology. And fucking PC World. We’d apologise for the stoppage, but frankly, we feel more deserving of an apology ourselves. So, if any of you happen to work for the unqualified scumfest that is PC World, please feel free to get in touch with some resolute grovelling. The rest of you can read the Single Reviews…

We kick off on a positive note with our Single of the Week, which comes courtesy of N*E*R*D. The pleasantly bizarre Everybody Nose does give away the farm somewhat, and once again raises questions as to how they can create such masterpieces for other artists but not for themselves. Yet it’s hard not to find something likeable in it, whether the call-to-arms-by-the-tampon-machine chant, the cymbal-tickling beat, or the vigorous swing quality. And much like their greatest productions, it’s a full-on Marmite job.

Next up, two junior constituents of All-American R&B royalty converge for a potentially monster alliance. Specifically, Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown, who unite for the mid-tempo demi-ballad No Air. While it remains a mystery that the seemingly made-for-radio Tattoo never warranted a release, No Air carries a similarly surefire manner about it, if perhaps a tad safe for it.

Another pairing - albeit far less successful - comes via the unlikely coupling of Dizzee Rascal and Calvin Harris. Squidgy, bland tinned disco elbows any iota of quirky grime firmly out of the way, making Dance Wiv Me a black mark on the careers of both parties, with the fungal, atonal, tiresome mutterings of Calvin Harris functioning only to make Dizzee’s barely-bogstandard contribution appear less dire.

Finally, and only marginally less shit than the stodgy stools wrenched out in the previous review, The Kooks undrape yet another folky fuckfest with languid attempts at sunbeams ’n’ smiles. Quite how they think they can pull off a happy tune with such a offhand, aloof manner is lunacy, yet Shine On is the squillionth example of such futility in their short career, and proves they’re as boring as they are undernourished.

ZOMG EPIC FAILzzz

Due to a defective CPU or some such crap, we are temporarily incommunicado [where?]. Hell, we're even using Wii Internet to type this, and frankly, it's like pulling teeth.
We hope to resume a full service in the near future. Apologies! x

Single Reviews 15/06/08

Yes, we’re fully aware that we skipped last week’s Single Reviews. And not out of choice either, given that Feeder would’ve walked it (and frankly, any opportunity to put them on a pedestal is seen as compulsory round these parts). Instead, keep your minces peeled for our upcoming review of their album, and enjoy this week’s singles in the meantime…

It seems that while Hanson are off becoming ministers or having children in spite of them being children themselves, the Jonas Brothers have filled their boots rather nicely. Mind you, bearing in mind these boots are actually stale, sensible Jesus sandals designed for walking in the middle of the All-American road, that’s no good thing. SOS is bland, forgettable airwave wadding.

Next up, Jesse McCartney, who if we’d cared enough about, we’d have already dismissed as a one-man Us 5. Who’d have thought a tweenage fluff rockabilly would transform into Robin Thicke’s very own Mini-Me? While the cash register sound effect is questionable, there’s something highly engaging about Leavin’ – you can almost hear Shayne Ward firing his A&R man from here…

Weezer seem content in quietly being one of the greatest bands on Earth, proving they’re as consistent as they are musically-endowed. The breathtakingly brilliant Pork & Beans also boasts the latest in a lengthy line of outstanding videos, but even when removed from this, you’re still left with a concrete example of kickass Weezer wondrousness. Single of the Week by a mile.

And finally, after the frankly barking yet still considerably dull Touch My Body, Mariah Carey has opted to pluck a number from her “Tried & Tested” pile. The wishy-washy Bye Bye is Mariah at her benchmark dullest, which probably bodes well for her mental health, but not for much else. And while she may never want to return to her power ballad days, watery Ashanti ballads probably aren’t the way forward.