Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Danity Kane - Danity Kane (Bad Boy)

To most, Danity Kane will be the epitome of wrong. All-American, managed by Diddy, compiled for a fly-on-the-wall show... the music snobs have plenty to complain about. And while we like to turn our noses up at most things presented to us, The Sloppy Dog has grown to love Shannon, Dawn, Aubrey, Aundrea and D. Woods – no irony. Well, maybe a bit.

Anyone who’s been tuned into Making the Band 3 will be no stranger to Danity Kane, or to immortal lines such as “we’re a group, a’ight? It’s not DeNosh and the She’s!” or “Wanita, you’s one cheeseburger away from being thick”. But as with all reality/talent shows, the end product rarely matches the entertainment factor throughout. For every Sound of the Underground, there’s ten That’s My Goals.

Here’s where Diddy flashing his cash at every given opportunity has been an advantage. Had he spewed out a bog standard balladry collection, the entire world would be calling him a stingy bastard. Thankfully, he’s called upon Timbaland, Scott Storch, and just about every A-producer in his iBook.

Resultantly, a large portion of the album is merely an audio representation of the visuals found in every 50 Cent video – oiled, bejewelled, near-naked, dead-behind-the-eyes dollar signs with absolutely no trace of character. Bearing in mind we’ve grown to know and love the five girls as people, the music has got to be pretty fucking horrendous to strip them so ruthlessly of their personality.

Lead single Show Stopper is a wearisome blend of ice, Cristal and sickening cliché, while the slippery Right Now is the hold music of a horny housewife themed sex phoneline. But all things considered, it’s the type of bottom-drawer R&B the US market will be doing backflips about.

That said, a fair portion of the album is certainly pop music to get excited about. The thumping beats of Want It and the nutcrushing One Shot pick up where Destiny’s Child should have carried on after Lose My Breath. While it may not justify spending twelve quid on a CD where half the tracks are tuneless slick-schtick, it’s hopeful that the potential is there to make a cracker of a pop album.

Until then, we’ll amuse ourselves with more classic Making the Band quotes. "I'm just the hoo-hoo girl", anyone?

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