The Sloppy Dog's Honking Box

Drumroll, please! Welcome, one and all, to The Sloppy Dog’s Honking Box, a brand new column to address that wonderful glowing machine in the corner of all our living rooms. No, not that stupid 7ft Ikea uplight everyone has, but the brilliance that is television.

The Honking Box will be tackling telly’s hottest topics, highlighting upcoming televisual gems, and providing fair and frank reviews of your favourite shows. And there may – just may – be a teeny weeny bit of bitching. It’s not really our style, but hey.

You’d have to have been born without eyes and ears to have escaped the sinister lure of Big Brother 7 (at this point, we feel we should probably send our apologies to any readers born without eyes or ears – but as you can’t see or hear, we’ll just laugh at you instead). Reluctant congratulations to Pete Bennett, the golden-boy-for-no-reason that is now £100,000 richer. We still don’t believe you’d ever see him and uber-desperate Fame Academy quasi-Glibertine fuckwit Peter Brame in the same place, though...


Coincidence?

Here at The Sloppy Dog, we were behind Aisleyne, who came a very respectable third. Aside from being the most honest and human Housemate since Anna, having to deal with skanky Spoiral all up in her flange, sticking up for underbeast underdog Sam, having an array of laughs ranging from weasel-with-bronchitis to full-blown Rustie Lee, and standing up to Grace, Sezer and Lisa, she proved that there’s nothing wrong with being a bit of a rude gyal, dem tings dem. And let’s face it, white people bathing in black culture hasn’t been represented by the greatest of role models.

Allow us to illustrate with a scientific chart – namely, the Golden Puffa of Dry Tings:



Let the record show that Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace is a fucking STAR, and we officially love her. May she forever trample over the equine face and concave chest of Hideous Grace, may her hair continue to glow as bright as a million supertroupers, and may we all anticipate to know ourselves as well as Ash-a-leeeeen does.

Finally, can anyone tell us why Lisa chose to come dressed as Christmas Eve from Avenue Q?