Sunday, October 01, 2006

Single Reviews 02/10/06

Having recovered from the blistering disappointment that was the Lost finale, we’ve finally scraped ourselves off of the floor in an attempt to resume normal life. And, as if we’re sat in a dark room pushing buttons that will temporarily defer the apocalypse, we’re frantically tapping away at the keyboard to bring you this week’s Single Reviews (and also to Google what the hell those Russians were about).

Ill-advised skinny white jeans ahoy! Naturally, it can only be sabertoothed minstrel Johnny Borrell and the tremendous Razorlight. Apologies for the hammily stagy opening, but there’s little positive to say about America, the somewhat unfortunate follow-up to In The Morning. A noble recital of aceness as far as the verses are concerned but a seemingly endless yawn festival when the chorus lands.

Single of the Week, oddly, is a track that was released approximately twelve years ago and has hung around like a.... well, quite a nice smell, really. Bedouin Soundclash are presumably coerced into officially re-releasing When The Night Feels My Song, a soothing dub-lite ditty that transcends the Vodafone stigma with ease.

So of course, it only makes sense that we go from a calming, tuneful sonnet, to an unspeakable noise possibly utilised for questioning silent detainees at Guantanamo Bay. Bob Sinclar ditches his sundrenched whistle-along brand in favour of Rock This Party. Why anyone would try to recreate the sound of Fatman Scoop when they’re lucky enough not to be Fatman Scoop is beyond perplexing.

Next up, we see Diddy stepping out from his role as businessman, mogul, manager and all-round twat to return to the artist spotlight on diluted R&B tedium Come To Me, bringing with him Nicole Scherzinger. Frankly, there’s not a whole lot of difference when she’s not flanked by her ladies in waiting, but next to Diddy it’s even clearer to see she’s little more than a tribute J-Lo drag act at a local low-rent gay cabaret.

Finally, it literally induces bile to consider the release of Jump In My Car, the new single from David Hasselhoff. Aren’t we bored of this yet? Is there REALLY a market for something that also requires you to use up an entire year’s worth of irony? It’s finished, it’s done, there’s nothing left to forward. Go away. And FYI, any Sloppy Dog friends/relatives considering contaminating our inbox with yet another “Hoff iz the cooooolest!!” email, you can bog off too.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

hoff is a nobber

Creative Commons Licence
The Sloppy Dog by is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.