The Sloppy Dog's Best of 2007: TV

10. Top Gear
For a second, let’s put Richard Hammond’s unfathomable feather-cut to one side, and focus on one of the most consistently entertaining television shows of recent years. Top Gear is informative without being stuffy, naturally witty, and boasts some beautifully-shot VTs - plus it’s commendable how Jeremy Clarkson has fashioned his bigoted pig-headedness into an almost endearing Oscar-The-Grouch-style character. All in all, jolly good fun.

9. Victoria Beckham: Coming To America
First and foremost a lesson in how to pull off irony, this was never going to sell too well across the waters. Sadly, it didn’t fare too favourably here in Britain either (as the needless fucking disclaimer at the top of the show indicated), but thankfully the acerbic lunacy wasn’t lost on us. From her encounter with the dolphin lady to her ultimate girl-throw at the baseball game, this was pure, shameless entertainment. Major.

8. The Restaurant
Proving that elimination shows don’t need a wall-to-wall line-up of cutthroat villains just to operate, The Restaurant was an addictive, riveting - yet remarkably stress-free - fly-on-the-wall nugget. While we felt that the twins or Lloyd & Adwoa were far more deserving winners, The Restaurant nonetheless proved necessary viewing, and as a bonus, put us off ever wanting to open a Sloppy Dog-branded eatery of our own.

7. Lost
By far and away the most infuriating show on television, yet it’s become a compulsion that we just can’t shake off. Not even Channel 4’s stupidity in letting Sky One swipe it from under their schnozzes couldn’t keep us away (*cough* thank you, Bit Torrent *cough*). Admittedly patchy at times, while completely deplorable at others (they killed Charlie. Charlie!), but after the benchmark in unpredictable series cliffhangers, it’s safe to say we’ll be hooked for another season at least.

6. The Apprentice
Where The Restaurant illustrated that hard work and determination can be matched with goodwill, team spirit and sportsmanship, The Apprentice took a more “steamroller every motherfucker that gets in your path” approach - and it made for some fantastic viewing. From the hilarious (Tre’s take on the ocean-based artwork) to the embarrassing (the shopping channel fiasco) to the ludicrous (Paul’s sausage-cooking techniques) to the downright evil (Katie Hopkins), we await series four with a wound-up restlessness.

5. Ugly Betty
It’s hard to believe that this time last year, we hadn’t even heard of Betty - we were merely in the early stages of having our attention grabbed by the fashion parody teaser ads. Twelve months on, and it’s a Sloppy Dog staple with a mounting list of classic moments. Amanda’s rendition of Milkshake, Wilhelmina’s graveyard comeuppance, Alexis’ big reveal, and a whole host of unashamed Britishness from Christina, Ugly Betty has left a great big non-ugly stamp on 2007.

4. My Name Is Earl
Simultaneously managing to be both endearing and refreshingly un-PC, My Name Is Earl makes an appearance in our list for two years running. In Earl and Randy, you’ve got two of the most likeable characters on television; while, by contrast, Joy’s initial meeting with her deaf lawyer provided the defining comedy moment of the year, underlining that Jaime Pressly is snapping at Jane Kaczmarek’s heels as America’s greatest comic actress.

3. Doctor Who
How we omitted this in favour of Torchwood last year is inexplicable, especially after the ludicrous CGI bull non-finale. Arguably the most consistent series yet, with standout gems including Smith & Jones, Blink and 42, it also saw the outstanding Freema Agyeman strictly pwn-ing the hangover prodigy of Rose, and further cemented the captivating magic of David Tennant as the Doctor. We may have to invest in plastic sheets if the Christmas Special lives up to the promise of its adverts…

2. Kath & Kim
While Kath & Kim may have slipped a place from last year’s Number One slot, the quality certainly hasn’t gone downhill. The outstanding cameos from Eric Bana, Matt Lucas and Kylie Minogue (which admirably didn’t detract from the show’s simplicity) plus an increase in appearances from the celestial Trude & Prue made this year’s offering of Kath & Kim an absolute pleasure. Or, if you will, noiyce, different, and un-ewes-ual.

1. Heroes
And so we reach the Number One spot, a place rightfully occupied by the pioneering, entertaining, enthralling and downright tremendous Heroes. To be honest, we were already sold on the initial premise of pretty people with extraordinary powers, but Heroes proved to be far more than just televised comic book lite. Intense drama, breathtaking action scenes and effects, a mesmerizing plot, all peppered with light relief courtesy of Hiro, not even the negative reviews of Chapter Two can put us off. Coming next in our 2007 countdown is the year’s worst singles - coincidentally, where we’ll be unveiling our own superpower of unfaltering bitchery…