Sunday, May 18, 2008

Single Reviews - 19/05/08

Yikes. Looks like the Single Reviews are late again. Now, we’ve already blamed the good weather recently, and given it’s turned to shit this week, we certainly can’t use that as a valid excuse again. Let’s see… does “the dog got it” still cut it these days?

Well, well, well. Look who’s had the cheek to show her pasty face once again. Clearly we didn’t damn Sandi Thom to the fiery bowels of Hell quite hard enough, so it’s poignant that her comeback single is entitled The Devil’s Beat. She’s dropped the wholefood café observational folk cuntery, and has replaced it with a sixth-form take on KT Tunstall. A vast improvement, though frankly she’d need to come up with a cure for cancer before we can excuse I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker.

Andy Abraham somehow returns from warranted obscurity with Even If, though if there were any justice we’d be reviewing Michelle Gayle’s far superior Woo (You Got Me) in its place. Gayest music rant EVER out of the way, Even If is a melange of anaemic disco twaddle and sticky soul endeavours, which is likely to go down like Fearne Cotton behind the John Peel Stage in next weekend’s Eurovision. Eastern Bloc, start your pwnage…

The highly-coveted (no, really, the industry loves our shit) Single of the Week title is awarded with little competition to Justice, for the second time. Their refrigerated neo-house quirkfest DVNO is a step-by-step guide as to why Justice are snapping at Daft Punk’s heels. Still, please tell us we’re only seeing the cream of French dance exported, and that there’s a pile of Ultrabeat-style twaddle clogging up their charts as well. God forbid they do something THIS MUCH better than the Brits…

And closing the reviews is the nightmarish pairing of Nelly & Fergie. Can we really handle so much class in just one record? Cluttered, bothersome and unoriginal, although special mention must go to Nelly’s mile-a-minute caffeine chatterings, specifically the fact they’re replacing the sloppy stoner drawl that made the bulk of his material so yawnworthy. But overall, Party People is the aural equivalent of a particularly stroppy gaggle of geese. With loudspeakers. And drum kits. And unsightly gold hoop earrings, just for good measure.

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