Saturday, May 24, 2008

Single Reviews 26/05/08

Well, no angry ‘Ump column this week – mahoosive Sloppy Dog congratulations to David Cook on being the first Cowellised talent show winner with the slightest hint of musicianship or integrity. Still, grrr to Raef being turfed off The Apprentice, and a half-arsed insignificant grumbling relating to Chelsea’s defeat. Oh, and just to pre-empt tonight’s Eurovision – that’s what you get for sending a Malteser-looking binman to represent you, you silly Brits. Right then, Single Reviews

Equal parts glitter-glue and cuntishness, Alphabeat are first on the agenda. Fascination proved to be fun for all of ten minutes, but the gimmick has well and truly died a death. 10,000 Nights is so chirpy and day-glo and brimming with Prozac, even Same Difference would have refused it. But it’s fine for Alphabeat, because they write their own stuff!!! And have INSTRUMENTS!!!! Oh, that’s alright, then! That makes them PROPER!!! Do fuck off, you insufferable Euro-sewage-peddling tosspots.

Taio Cruz follows up the ghastly Come On Girl with something significantly more pleasant, and not just as a result of the distinct lack of Luciana. The far superior I Can Be is a gentle electro-ballad with serious magnetism, although we personally find the Estelle remix an even greater delight. Still, the question remains, how much longer can he sustain a career off the back of the fact he heard Umbrella before the rest of us?

Inexplicably, the once-almighty Alanis Morissette has seemingly morphed into her wet, willowy countryman (or woman? What’s the correct term there?) Sarah McLachlan, with the uncharacteristically drippy Underneath. Love, the world prefers the angry tales of women scorned, Catholic guilt, and things that aren’t actually irony. Sure, you’re ace, but you’re far acer with a bee in your bonnet.

Finally, Single of the Week is given to The Zutons, whose return is marked by the superb Always Right Behind You. It’s not quite as rich in their patented brand of congenial Scousery as previous efforts, owing more to classic, straight-down-the-line rock ‘n’ roll, but the jangly fun is present in spades all the same. And why wouldn’t they be in a good mood after all those additional Valerie royalties?

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