Single Reviews 08/05/06

While you lot were busy casting votes in this week’s local elections, we here at The Sloppy Dog have been tackling some rather more pressing issues – namely, the key issue that is this week’s Single Reviews.

Let the record show that maladroit, mind-numbing, baby-got-all-the-back Latina driftwood Jennifer Lopez is not a popular lady with The Sloppy Dog. But we’ll be objective in examining her latest “work”, lending “vocals” to LL Cool J’s Control Myself – a carbonated hip-hop foot-tapper which just pardons her from the metaphorical death penalty. For now.

The Pet Shop Boys are back, continuing to make music for… who, precisely? Too dull for the gayers and too gay for the dullards, I’m With Stupid looks to the trite talents of Walliams & Lucas to get noticed. Not far along on the middle of the same road is Shelly Poole, one half of the once-enchanting Alisha’s Attic. Sadly, Lost In You is devoid of any of the kooky charm that blessed the Attic, essentially a character-free soundtrack to washing up.

After providing us with one of the best songs of the year thus far, The Upper Room have an impressive personal best to break. Sadly, they don’t achieve it with Black & White – a mere shadow of All Over This Town, but still enough of an assured anthem-in-the-works to become our Single of the Week.

And so we come to Teenage Life by Daz Sampson: this year’s UK Eurovision entry and the worst song since, well, Orson’s No Tomorrow. A comedy middle-aged sub-Westwood white rapper backed by schoolgirls on helium in a Lidl reworking of Black Eyed Peas’ Where Is The Love – we’re predicting either a Jemini-style disaster or 12 points all the way. Either way, we’ll be watching in a drunken stupor.