The 'Ump: Sandi Thom

While it’s fair to say that The Sloppy Dog is not exactly The Daily Mail, we feel obliged to play the moral guardian from time to time. We care about you, dear readers, and therefore it’s our duty to alert you of incoming danger.

Meet Sandi Thom, a singer-songwriter whose selling point is that she achieved fame by performing live via webcam from her bedroom. Why this is a good thing, we’re not quite sure – it certainly didn’t do Leslie Grantham any good.

Another reason to be wary is that the name “Sandi Thom” sounds treacherously similar to “Sandi Toksvig”. Not that we have anything against Nordic wordsmith ladybummers with hunchbacks, but we certainly wouldn’t want to be associated with one.

But what’s really giving us a proverbial red rump is Sandi’s debut single, I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker. Drowning in a sewer of destitute similes, Sandi coos about how vinyl was better than CD, letters better than emails, and quite possibly how woolly mammoths were better than the animals of today.

However, the ultimate example of twattery comes via the lyric “I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair”. Sandi love, if you can show The Sloppy Dog a miserable, gnashed, piercing-studded punk rocker who actually adorns their Mohican with a nice rhododendron, The Sloppy Dog will, in return, reconsider showing your face the soles of our boots several hundred times.

Bearing in mind this is the country that kept James Blunt at No 1 for five weeks, you WILL hear this song soon. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.