Sunday, July 09, 2006

Single Reviews 10/07/06

Before we crack on with the Single Reviews, we should address something. This week, it was pointed out to us that The Sloppy Dog has a rather negative outlook on life, and that we should make an attempt to be nicer to people. Having thought long and hard about this, we had decided to be a bit more jovial. But then we realised Rooster had a new single out, so it’s back on with the bitch hat, and a resounding “fuck right off missus, you look like Sandi Thom” to the young lady who pointed out just how nasty we are. Viva maliciousness!

So, let’s crack on with the aforementioned Rooster, a band so inexcusably contrived they make Clea look like The Ramones. Their wretched, dull-as-fuck, air fix McRock is wheeled back out of the trainee salon on new single Home, the audio equivalent of a retarded tourist stood on the wrong side of the escalator. Rooster, you are cordially invited to stop existing.

Thankfully, there’s a couple of decent tracks adorning the shelves this week. That’s No Way To Tell A Lie by James Dean Bradfield is a foot-to-the-accelerator work of skill, making the wait for new Manics material a mere shrug. And despite our inner pretentious muso’s protests, Rogue Traders claim Single of the Week. Usually, attempts to marry rock and dance go arse over tit (see Garbage and Bodyrockers), but Voodoo Child successfully straddles the line between thumping house beats and live, raw licks. And anyone who can count Living Legend™ Harold Bishop as an actual real-life friend deserves our ultimate admiration.

Busta Rhymes ropes in rent-a-pillock Will.I.Am and a frustratingly underused Kelis on the unexceptional I Love My Chick. For such an innovative rapper, he doesn’t half churn out some ropey unimaginative shite. Good video, mind – Gabrielle Union is tres ace. Even more in need of an idea or six is estate urchin Shayne Ward, whose third single Stand By Me is as morose and mushy as the first two. While one thing we REALLY don’t need is a UK Timberwank, surely this poor sod is capable of being more than a male Beverley Craven?

Finally, meet Nylon, the biggest girlband in Iceland (insert ‘Atomic Kitten doing the weekly shopping’ joke here). We particularly enjoy the fact that one of them looks like Gillian McKeith, but music-wise they’re actually rather bearable, in an absolute-centre-of-the-road kind of way. Their UK debut Losing A Friend is an annoyingly-catchy melodious lament-in-a-training-bra – just the sort of thing Atomic Kitten would have swapped a year of Giro books for.

Start being nicer? Us? It’s physically impossible.

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