This week’s Celebrity News with award-winning political broadcaster and journalist, Bonnie

Hellur! It’s meh, Bonneh, with this week’s Celebriteh News, and everyfin and everyfin. Ya bastards!

So, I ‘eard, right, that Keef Richards is gunner be in the next Pirates of the Caribbean moveh. He’s gunner pleh Johnneh Depp’s dad. I fink he’d be right good in a pirate film, he looks right like a skellington and everyfin. I quite fanceh Johnneh Depp, he looks like this lad I got off wiv once behind the bowlin’ alleh.

Big oop to Freema Agyeman who’s been announced as the new girleh in Doctor Who, replacing Billeh Piper. I asked meh agent if he could get meh an audition, but the best he could get meh was a PA at Yates alongside ‘im off the Halifax adverts. The bastard! I can do anyfin and everyfin, meh.

Finalleh, Chris Martin out of Coldpleh, right, has filmed his appearance in Extras alongside Rickeh Gervais. I fink that’s a really good fing, cos he needs a break from singin’ like a laydeh and talkin’ about poverteh. Poverteh’s a right good fing anyway, cos if everyone and everyone were fat, the Earf would, like, tip ovah, and everyfin.

And everyfin, and everyfin.