The 'Ump: US5

The relationship between a popstar and their manager can often be a rather interesting one. We've all seen first-hand the marital management hilarity between Sharon and Ozzy, the slightly sinister iron fist of Joe Simpson over the Sisters Dim, and Beyoncé out-megalomaniac'd by her own poppa.

But just when you think management tactics couldn't get any more bizarre, and just when you think popstars couldn't get any more stupid, enter US5. The band, essentially early 1996 in human and musical form, are huge in Germany, apparently huge in America, and want to be huge in the UK. Cue a string of Random FM roadshows to an audience of nine, a TMF show to an audience of approximately half that, and more dogged determination than Tara Reid wiping the regurgitated daiquiris from her cleavage as she staggers into her 16th audition of the day.

Here we see one of the band's management - deputising for insulated pop kraken Lou Pearlman - revealing the debut single's UK chart position to a pant-pissingly anxious US5...



Actual chart position? 38.

Is this an example of management controlling their artist right down to governing their blinking techniques and regularity of bowel movements, or akin to congratulating your retarded child on presenting you their finger-painting of a supposed helicopter?