Single Reviews 03/04/06

Fed up of free choice? Hate having the liberty to make your own decisions? Then read this! We’ll tell you what to buy...

Spare a thought for Nizlopi this week. Despite Girls being an affable sway of refreshingly earnest romance, their record company are doing fuck-all to push it, forever securing their future in the shadow of JCB (which, sadly, no amount of love from us could ever prevent being seen by Joe Public as a novelty record).

Faceless Eurodance or a poor man’s Scissor Sisters? Six of one, really – either way, Speechless by Mish Mash is a weak, unmemorable, personality-lite McDisco disarray of gay noise. Even more repulsive is the truly unpleasant Laffy Taffy by D4L, seemingly crafted from leftover ringtones, like some sort of Frankenstein’s Crazy Frog.

Having replaced Abi’s sax with her very own spotlight, The Zutons have achieved an ocular-responsive, catchy stomp of a ditty in Why Won’t You Give Me Your Love, which also wears our most elegant Single of the Week sash across its chest. And even our burning hatred for West Side Story can’t keep us from loving the video.

Snapping at the Zutons’ heels for this week’s bestest single are Franz Ferdinand with The Fallen, another mighty triumph of a track from one of last year’s greatest albums. And closing the singles this week is One by Mary J Blige and U2. Together, not only are Bono and Bilge responsible for 75% of the world’s weave industry, but they make some horrendously dull music. Run away, children, before the coma-people get you.