Ladies and gents, given that it’s Easter, we felt perhaps this would be a good opportunity to undertake some intelligent debate, and consider the vehemently profitable chocolate-and-bunnies mentality of the holiday, versus the significance of Easter as the most eminent celebration in the Christian calendar. Then we thought, “nah, let’s slag off some popstars instead”.Sick to the back teeth of Bad Day? No? Then tidy up the track names in your playlist, you’re clearly listening to another song. Daniel Powter returns with Lie To Me, a wee measure of merriment played out in an aching succession of high notes. Far
from noteworthy, but all in all highlighting that he shits all over James Blunt from a great height. Not a huge feat, mind you.Next up, The Sloppy Dog takes a trip to Colombia, a place we’re already sceptical about thanks to barmy shitweasel Shakira. Their next musical export comes in the form of Juanes, with the cyclical ohrwurm La Camisra Negra – essentially a one-man Ketchup Song.
Fall Out Boy’s unoriginal brand of adolescent wank-rock is put on parade in the oafish Dance Dance, a track which further proves they’re little more than a North American counterpart to Son of Dork.
Finally, behold the most begrudgingly-awarded Single of the Week since the dawn of time. Quite who gave 10-year-old pygmy pole-dancer Rihanna permission to record a good song is beyond us, but SOS ditches her banal dancehall-in-a-carton in favour of kitsch electro-pop brilliance with a highly original Tainted Love sample. Next time, love, tell us when you’re going to stop being shit – we need at least two months’ notice to work up the resistance to hate you for the abysmal Pon De Replay.
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